#7 What i really need?

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I have a long and deep conversation about what to do after degree life with my housemates. I told every single thing i planned to do.
After all those conversation, at night when i about to sleep. There is one question come across my mind. 
"Syafiqah, did u realize what your body and mind really need?". 
Let be honest, deep inside me i know what my body and mind need but i'm in denial. I don't want to accept the fact that my mind and my body is tired. 
I keep broke the promise that i make with myself. Every semester break i promise myself, let have a rest and enjoy everything u love to do. Read more book, write, sleep and going out and enjoy u life. I always end up working during semester break. I don't have time to read or write because my body is too tired to do so. At the end i make my body stress even more. 
I know i need to shut down myself from the world and focus on myself. But i keep forcing myself to endure everything. 
A few days ago, one of my friend ask me " are u okay , you don't look like u do". I almost cry when i read that. I mean  she the only one realize it. She the one that realize that i try to shut myself down, she realized i deactive my twitter for awhile ( well 3 days), she realized i delete my profile picture, she realized i delete all my pictures on instagram ( well i put them on archive and i already publish some of it). 
Guess what my answer to the question "are u okay?". 
Im okay. Im just tired. 
It just come from my mouth so naturally. Like it scripted. I don't even know what okay really mean. As long as i'm alive and physically well , i guess I'm okay.
If u ask me why i don't ask people to help. 
I try. 
I tried but no one seems to care. 
I try. 
I tried but i feel like 'pengemis'.
I try.
I tried but there are people who keep comparing everything i said with their life stories. 
Untill i have this feeling that aku cuma mengada mengada. Ramai lagi manusia susah kat luar sana. Jadi kau kena tahan semua benda. Sebab kesusahan kau tak setanding orang lain. Belajar bersyukur. 

I'm tired asking for help.

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